Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
