Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
