I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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