make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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