i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
