Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
