My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
