I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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