Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
