So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
