I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
