he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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