you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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