We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
