Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
