Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
