Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
