yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
