Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
