your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
