Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize