thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
