i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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