i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
