Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
