wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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