I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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