I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
