I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
