dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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