I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
