My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
