it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
me + whiskey = a bad person
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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