Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found a bag of teeth...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
