dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
