Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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