Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.

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(703): View more from Virginia

swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

(202): View more from Washington, DC

buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.

(513): View more from Ohio

I stole a bike. Here's a pic

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(416): View more from Toronto

How did it go last night?

(647): View more from Ontario

Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?

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(252): View more from North Carolina

If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.

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(631): View more from New York

Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are

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