DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
