Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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