I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
