I think i peed on brittanys purse
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
