Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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