Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
