last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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