the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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