if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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