All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
