He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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