you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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