I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
