My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
