also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
