omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't turn off my feet"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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