you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
