i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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