Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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