I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
