He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
