he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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