So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it because I queefed?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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