her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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