she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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