It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
