you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
