you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
