You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You ruined the universe
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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