Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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