I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
